*peeps shyly*

Yooo. It’s been awhile (accurately 1.5 months) since I so much as posted anything on this here my blog. Right on my 20^th birthday I wrote out a little something that I can’t seem to find. Currently. Surely. It’s not screaming to be let out of the dark box I stuffed it into. 

I’d like to say I’ve come a long way in this time between this post and my last post. School’s been getting in the way of a lot of stuff, though. I have exams coming up in a week and I’m planning NO SLEEP (sike, I couldn’t so much as keep my eyes open last night). The semester is ending and it seems like it was so short?? Like it was just yesterday I went for my first programming class.

One of my courses this semester was “Technical Skills Development” which was ALL ABOUT WEB CODING WHICH IS MY ACTUAL GOAL IN LIFE. I’ll add a snippet of the website I designed as an assignment. Some dude’s thing was so LAME and yes #Validation and these days I form actual opinions on things unlike before when I was a mute turnip with no opinions because I thought it was a crime to judge people. My mental state is so different these days. In fact, recently I saw a post on twitter saying one semester of uni can change you so much compared to actual 4 years in high school and I completely agree. 

I know my blog’s coding is in shambles and I remember wailing for someone, anyone to fix it for me but now I’M THE MAN YO. Imma fix my own shi. In other slightly less euphoric news, I really slacked in my statistics class and this is terrible because my grade needs help. ASAP. Also, like last semester’s Communication Skills class I had, this sem I had to take a Sociology class which was utterly inconvenient and unnecessary for my BCS degree and I cut most the classes and the lecturer thought I’d left the country and I didn’t bother correcting him. Also, can we talk about how HARD high school math is compared to the uni math I’m doing right now? High school math was TORTURE. And that’s not because my Pure Mathematics textbooks are fresh and pristine from lack of use lmao. Not really I guess. 

In culinary news, I got addicted to chips from a takeaway called “Bon Appetit” near uni and I’m currently having chip withdrawals and it is terrible and my stomach is judging me always.

Mental health-wise, I am of course, as always, an everchanging sea of emotions and feelings and hence I have raged and shone in equal measure. I am ok at the moment even though some people have said hurtful things to me which has caused me to adapt from my tortoise friends and retreat into my shell. It’s all good though; I mean I don’t have the time in my day to get upset over every tiny thing (I actually do, but shh). Some days back I had a euphoric buttery flowery sun-shiny lick of happiness which was amazing and I was appreciating my brown skin and my body and everything was fantastic for 7 minutes. 

I had a major Instagram hiatus; and by that I mean that I didn’t even go on it because I don’t have the time to waste on insta anymore. I’ve been really active on twitter, though. I did, however draw up some minimal line art for my insta some weeks back and it’s pretty cool. 

In the reading world, I’ve been slack; I read maybe 3 books this whole time since my last post. I am currently reading The Reader by Chee Traci and yes I am The Reader lol so accurate wauw. 

In the blogging and personal projects-wise, I have been MIA; done next to nothing related to graphic design except for that one time I designed a header for my website design for school. TSWP (The Secret Writing Project has also been locked up in a dark trunk and it’s currently making thumping sounds from within and I’m sat on the trunk and don’t worry *kicks once* and it’s gone all quiet.)

My theme for May is just studying basically because I’m after that degree and I am an ambitious and fierce, cutting wind and I shall fly far and wise to achieve all the things. 

I hope that you’ll be hearing more from the memoirs management which is me I am the manager lol.

LIFE UPDATE MARCH 2017 | I’M FABULOUS YOU’RE FABULOUS

I’m thinking I need to start following some kind of blogging prompts. I like writing and posting on here but I only write when I feel the need to; but I want to write more?? It’s funny how I only come here to rant, rage and feel sorry for myself haha. I’m thinking what if I run out of things to think about??? The fate of this blog is hanging by a thread, my friends. 

A few posts back I talked about how I wanted to start art journaling more and stuff but since then all I’ve managed to do is paint some amateur strokes of purple on one of the pages. *sigh. 

I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing. Some people seem to have it all in order. They seem like they’ve got it all together. I, on the other hand feel like I’m just drifting along in the miasmic wind blowing from Lake Victoria (which makes me sound so poetic but I aint) My poeticness is a rare and elusive creature that I only take out of its box on Thursday 30 February of any year. 

I’ve been bombarded lately by people around me (and I don’t mean on the internet) that actually write. Which has led me to wonder exactly why I haven’t written any fiction. It’s a shame because the world is missing out on my amazing writing shining down on all y’all. I mean, I read a ton of books; I have to be a great writer via osmosis. This makes perfect sense of course. I used to have story ideas in my head; playing them out over the course of a few days but these days I have none. Bruh, I used to have Fili fanfic dreams. I’m a whole other level.

I think a million things in a day, people, and I’m very influenced by the things I get exposed to and in this example I’m talking about how people can influence me to take a complete 360 degree turn from MY WHOLE LIFE/EXISTENCE. It bothers me only a tiny (HUGE) bit. But this time it’s a good thing. Because I don’t think I’m gonna be weird and pathetic anymore. I mean everyone at some point feels lame of themselves; that doesn’t mean you actually are. And today goes down in history as the day I decide that no, I am not weird, awkward or pathetic. I am a fabulous being. (I honestly don’t know what is possibly backing this statement; it feels like air) 

I am #Fabulous. I have a life, I do things and no one has the right to think they are better than me even though they have accomplished more than me *gulp ok I don’t know about that but if self-worth is measured by that then rest assured the world is a fair place and everyone is equal whether you feel you’ve achieved enough or not. *nods head fervently. 

Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. There is no one in this world that is better than you. BRUH I’M TRYING SO HARD TO MAKE MYSELF BELIEVE THIS. You know what? Screw common sense. Just because someone has a famous Instagram page DOES NOT mean they are better than me. It’s a rule in my life. I will not, ever again, feel less than. I will not gauge MY OWN self-worth based on what someone else is so proud of or flaunting (I’m not jealous—go fran, that’s my fran). 

I am a being just like everyone else; and everyone has their own amazing perks and if you don’t see them doesn’t mean they aren’t there. Love you for who you are even though you feel there are people better than you. WE’RE ALL THE SAME. 

MARCH AESTHETICS

It’s March already… you know what that means! No, you don’t. Anyway it’s the birth month of yours truly. Been blessing y’all with my cosmic presence since ’97.

March’s hex codes are inspired by this game called Monument Valley and quite honestly these colours are really trending lately. Pale blues, pastels, miasmic pinks and browns that inspire a psychedelic feeling. 

I love March. It’s my best month in all the years because duh—it’s my birthday month. So—it obviously has a significance in my life and my theme for this March is “To be independently me”. I barely have an ego when it comes to a lot of things. I got my self crushed last year I think re-building is in order. I’m putting up the construction tape—this gurl’s gonna have a make over. I need to have more self confidence and esteem. I need myself more than anyone else because let’s face it; the only person that’s gonna be with you 24/7 and forever is yourself. You’re alone in this world. I mean, it’s not like people are always going to be there for you. I’m tired of insignificant people influencing me. I’m ready to put a conscious effort to make people respect me even if it means they think I’m mean or evil. I’m leaving soon anyway. Uni, I mean. *gulp* you know the creepy thing I had that my 19^th year would be my last??? Send help.

 

This whole thing started because bruh, girls are MEAN and evil. I mean I do my best to be good to people but this one girl was such a bully! I’m not generalizing because heck—I’m a girl too. What I mean to say is that I want to be a strong, assertive girl because what the hell do I go to school for if not to just study and bust??? I have a life here at home. I blog, I read, I do graphics design. There are fan girls that LIVE off fangirling and they seem just fine. I don’t care if people want to cut themselves off from me. Your loss, buddy. BECAUSE I DON’T NEED YALL ANYWAY. Ahem.

I made an illustration. It’s supposed to be a girl all curled up and meditating and (not quite drowning) but she definitely isn’t floating. It represents finding yourself in this dark and dreary world. I think the colours are off but any-who. 

 

I’ve watched quite a few movies and TV shows this past month; and that’s saying a lot for me because I only read things; not watch them. Plus, I usually finish exactly three episodes from any season I watch. I watched a bit of BBC Sherlock and Stranger Things. They weren’t really cutting it for me. I watched Moana—which did it for me. It was amazing. Suffice to say I’ve already memorized some of the songs; even the Hawaiian ones. I also watched Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. Now, I love me some spoilers so I watched some highlights of the movie and anyway this was without any sound because it was in uni and people were making too much noise. I was pretty sure I would hate it but I just watched it and it was actually pretty good.

 

On my post graphic I have my current read "A Conjuring of Light" and its the final installment in the Shades of Magic series by VE Schwab. Delilah Bard, people. Liar. Thief. Pirate. All I strive to be in life. Wait what. No. But she's got sass?? She's awesome. And likes knives. 

 

That's it for this post, avocahoes (see what i did there?). This post actually marinated for 3 days wow. And it's pretty lame but I'm gonna work harder??? Who can tell.