I’m Glad I Fought with My Parents
The last two days have been an intense
showdown of drama and feelings in my family. We’ve had screaming fests and astonishing
broken-record stupidity.
I’m on a self love journey. Also, among my September
resolutions is to ‘be more confident’ and to ‘break way from culture’. These
are expounded upon in my last two posts.
Last night, our familial heads got into a
dumb fight with a child. I’m not interested in the fight but rather the impact
it’s had on me. I’ll be quick to clarify that I barely flinched in all this
chaos. I really think I don’t care.
I was involved in a loud conversation with
my parental sperm donor. Now, I barely talk to him. However, I have on occasion
let loose my fiery temper. I’ll just say that I was proud of myself for
speaking up, defending my sister and stating only facts with clear conviction. This
is where I’m breaking away from culture. I can’t succumb to patriarchal and sexist
cultures and traditions anymore. I wasn’t aggressive, for one. Two, my dad
actually listened to me. Even though it’s probably because he’s trained in listening
to bullshit he doesn’t want to hear.
Today, I screamed at my mom. I’ve never done
this before. At least not in this intensity. I have to say that I’m always
crying if I talk to my dad. About anything. This time, no tears left to cry (LOL
#Reference). If I can scream with this intensity at my mom, I can scream this
way to people that actually offend me. I feel this power inside of me now. I’m
steel and fire. When ever did this burning forge die down?
Also, I had a battle of dominance with my sister.
This gave me an intense personal growth/self esteem boost. She was giving me
her advice. I always listen to my sisters, to be honest. But today, I stood my
ground. I looked at her and thought, “You have your opinion, and I have mine. And
I believe in myself with utter conviction.”
I felt strong as steel. I met her gaze with
an even one of mine. I’m usually trash at eye contact and can barely maintain
it. Today, I stood strong as a stallion. It just goes to say that even though
we think others are better than us, or greater than us, it’s not true. We have
other things we are better than them at. We are greater than them. People have
opinions, and so do you. Be as strong as steel. Be as hot as molten iron.
I’m glad this whole fight happened. It has
given me insight into this fiery stallion of a woman that I am. I like to think
that the next time I’m cheated, I WILL STAND UP. My self love/esteem journey is
having such a crazy turnover. I have to
apply the principles I’ve learned today into my regular life. I’m
extraordinary. I’m phenomenal. I don’t need to compare myself to anyone. Even if
I do, there are things I’m way better at than that person. I matter. I am worthy.
Peace out
Yours always,
ASI.
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