THE POWER OF READING AND THE EFFECT OF THE LITTLE THINGS
Lately I’ve been thinking how much I’ve grown up. I actively
WANT to be the best me in every way possible. And all this is without bitter
tears; crying about how I want to change but can’t seem too? When I was 14, I wanted
to be the best version of myself possible. This was after I read “The Seven
Habits of Highly Effective Teens”. I wanted to be efficient. I wanted to reach
the “climax” of my existence (I have no idea why climax was the right word at
that time.) I wanted to do everything in its right time; to study when I had
to, eat when I had to and other such tasks of an average teen.
All that was hard and taxing to me at the time because I suppose,
well, I was pretty lazy. Sorry not sorry, 14-year-old-self. I like to think that
in a lot of ways I became a better person as the years went by. I have more
self-discipline (even though I still can’t maintain a workout regimen that
lasts more than 2 weeks) and everything that was hard then is so easy to me now.
I have more priorities, just more things in my life now. I’m so grateful for
all the blessings in my life. Wow, it just takes some looking back at how
things used to be to see how far we’ve come.
I read a lot of fiction in my free time. Heck, I read
fiction even when I have important things to do. And it does absolutely nothing
to change my mental state or anything. Just a sense of detachment from reality
for a few minutes. I’m a person that’s actively seeking ways to be a better
version of myself. I say it a lot LOL that I found myself in early 2016 but in
time it wasn’t enough for me. I had to keep searching. The search continues to
this day. As a result of my ever-seeking mind, the way I interpret things is
different from say my classmate who doesn’t care about the workings of the
human mind and just lives.
I’d like to say I juice out vital information from a lot of
things I’m exposed to (in contrast to calling myself gullible). Things like TED
talks have a big impact on me, self development/help articles always leave me
thinking and whenever I talk to sensible people, I gain a broader perspective
of life.
But, the thing is, in a lot of ways, I keep running away
from what truly benefits me. Whether it’s studying, or studying the Quran, or
learning things just for the sake of improving my knowledge, I’ve noticed I just
feel lazy. I can’t keep up with it for a long time compared to let’s say if I was
reading an addictive novel.
I’ve concluded that running away from things is a sign of
being young and wild. Which is why I think I’m growing up. I read a bit of ‘The
Manipulated Man’ by Esther Vilar which, granted has nothing to do anything of
my life (it’s basically a book about how women manipulate men—don’t come at me,
I’m also supposed to be a feminist) and the thing is, I decided to be
open-minded and read a bit of it. Suffice to say, I came out a changed person. And
that’s not because I was converted into some kind of woman hater. I just picked
out some content that was beneficial to my current mental state. It even had
nothing to do with men.
Now, I stated it before I read a lot of fiction, and it
affects me in a minute if nothing manner. It got mme thinking, if I can read a
bit of some unrelated topic, and it affects me THIS much, then how about if I read
things that will ACTUALLY help me? So I went on to get some books off the
internet. Some are just short pdf’s, others are biographies. I’m currently
reading ‘I Am Malala’ and ‘The Noticer’. I don’t even feel the need to read my
current fiction read ‘Crooked Kingdom’ by Leigh Bardugo.
The other reason I say I’m growing up is because I ACTUALLY
study these days. I sit down and study all my course modules. I recently finished
my end of semester exams, and for most of them I didn’t even need an
all-nighter. Although I realized too late that I would rather be fresh and half
prepared than fully prepared and running on 2 hours-worth of sleep. My actual thought was, ’I need to study NOW so
I’m better prepared for my exams.’ I mean, who does that? (Yes, I know a lot of
people do that but not ME. I’m a chronic last minute studier.)
The other thing I’ve come to realize lately is that the little things COUNT. Even
though a lot of people may ignore them, question them, or outright be
aggressive towards them. EVERY SINGLE THING has an effect. A subliminal effect.
One that does have an effect on you; you just don’t see it, or it doesn’t
matter; but it’s there all the same.
In other
news, it’s Ramadan. I know I’m currently on a relatively lower part of the
eemaan scale, but it’s so calm in my mind without Shaytan. It feels like the
holy month alright, but I’m just not feeling the way I usually do. Also, I’m
kinda sickish. My sinuses and tonsils have been acting up. Alhumdulillah I’ve
been so healthy the whole year though. I’m always grateful for my health.
Ciao,
asi.
