THE POWER OF READING AND THE EFFECT OF THE LITTLE THINGS

Lately I’ve been thinking how much I’ve grown up. I actively WANT to be the best me in every way possible. And all this is without bitter tears; crying about how I want to change but can’t seem too? When I was 14, I wanted to be the best version of myself possible. This was after I read “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens”. I wanted to be efficient. I wanted to reach the “climax” of my existence (I have no idea why climax was the right word at that time.) I wanted to do everything in its right time; to study when I had to, eat when I had to and other such tasks of an average teen.

All that was hard and taxing to me at the time because I suppose, well, I was pretty lazy. Sorry not sorry, 14-year-old-self. I like to think that in a lot of ways I became a better person as the years went by. I have more self-discipline (even though I still can’t maintain a workout regimen that lasts more than 2 weeks) and everything that was hard then is so easy to me now. I have more priorities, just more things in my life now. I’m so grateful for all the blessings in my life. Wow, it just takes some looking back at how things used to be to see how far we’ve come.

I read a lot of fiction in my free time. Heck, I read fiction even when I have important things to do. And it does absolutely nothing to change my mental state or anything. Just a sense of detachment from reality for a few minutes. I’m a person that’s actively seeking ways to be a better version of myself. I say it a lot LOL that I found myself in early 2016 but in time it wasn’t enough for me. I had to keep searching. The search continues to this day. As a result of my ever-seeking mind, the way I interpret things is different from say my classmate who doesn’t care about the workings of the human mind and just lives.

I’d like to say I juice out vital information from a lot of things I’m exposed to (in contrast to calling myself gullible). Things like TED talks have a big impact on me, self development/help articles always leave me thinking and whenever I talk to sensible people, I gain a broader perspective of life.

But, the thing is, in a lot of ways, I keep running away from what truly benefits me. Whether it’s studying, or studying the Quran, or learning things just for the sake of improving my knowledge, I’ve noticed I just feel lazy. I can’t keep up with it for a long time compared to let’s say if I was reading an addictive novel.

I’ve concluded that running away from things is a sign of being young and wild. Which is why I think I’m growing up. I read a bit of ‘The Manipulated Man’ by Esther Vilar which, granted has nothing to do anything of my life (it’s basically a book about how women manipulate men—don’t come at me, I’m also supposed to be a feminist) and the thing is, I decided to be open-minded and read a bit of it. Suffice to say, I came out a changed person. And that’s not because I was converted into some kind of woman hater. I just picked out some content that was beneficial to my current mental state. It even had nothing to do with men.

Now, I stated it before I read a lot of fiction, and it affects me in a minute if nothing manner. It got mme thinking, if I can read a bit of some unrelated topic, and it affects me THIS much, then how about if I read things that will ACTUALLY help me? So I went on to get some books off the internet. Some are just short pdf’s, others are biographies. I’m currently reading ‘I Am Malala’ and ‘The Noticer’. I don’t even feel the need to read my current fiction read ‘Crooked Kingdom’ by Leigh Bardugo.

The other reason I say I’m growing up is because I ACTUALLY study these days. I sit down and study all my course modules. I recently finished my end of semester exams, and for most of them I didn’t even need an all-nighter. Although I realized too late that I would rather be fresh and half prepared than fully prepared and running on 2 hours-worth of sleep.  My actual thought was, ’I need to study NOW so I’m better prepared for my exams.’ I mean, who does that? (Yes, I know a lot of people do that but not ME. I’m a chronic last minute studier.)

The other thing I’ve come to realize lately is that the little things COUNT. Even though a lot of people may ignore them, question them, or outright be aggressive towards them. EVERY SINGLE THING has an effect. A subliminal effect. One that does have an effect on you; you just don’t see it, or it doesn’t matter; but it’s there all the same.

In other news, it’s Ramadan. I know I’m currently on a relatively lower part of the eemaan scale, but it’s so calm in my mind without Shaytan. It feels like the holy month alright, but I’m just not feeling the way I usually do. Also, I’m kinda sickish. My sinuses and tonsils have been acting up. Alhumdulillah I’ve been so healthy the whole year though. I’m always grateful for my health.

Ciao,

asi.