When I was
6, I had a teacher called Mrs. Agnes. She said that the devil lives in water. That
included wash basin and sink drains (or any other drains). She definitely said something
like that. For the longest time ever, I believed her. I’m actually embarrassed by
how long I believed her for.
I saw evil
in water swirling into a drain. This whole thing is comical because she was a
Christian and I’m Muslim, and our beliefs vary in a lot of ways, one of which
is the fact that (I’m pretty sure) in Islam the devil doesn’t hang out in the
dark pipes that lead to hell (the sewer, but in this case we can say hell.)
I didn’t have
to believe her. I shouldn’t have. Because A) Our religions were different, B)
She probably didn’t know what she was talking about, and C) I probably didn’t hear
her right.
I believe a
lot of things people tell me. Some people actually tell me they like messing
with me (telling me wrong information with a dead straight face) and I actually
believe them. I came across the word ‘impressionable’ (I didn’t exactly stumble
upon it in my nightly reading—one of my friends told me to ‘stop being so damn
impressionable’) and when I realized I actually was so damn impressionable, I set
out to try to not be so damn impressionable.
I get
really influenced by things. I can easily get swayed with new beliefs. Recently
I self-diagnosed myself with a mental disorder. That was terrible. But it
really made sense in a lot of ways. Or was I just being impressionable?
I’ve
probably painted this picture of me in your head: me, chewing at my nails,
eyebrows scrunched together in apprehension, and probably wearing an over-sized
cable-knit sweater.
The thing
is, lately I haven’t been like that. I’ve been being strong. I don’t easily
believe what people say. Especially what they say about me. (Most of my social
interactions occur at school and when I say ‘people,’ or ‘they,’ I mean people
from school.) How, pray tell, does someone know me better than I know myself? What
is even more laughable is the fact that I’m a whole other person at school. I’m
definitely always wearing a mask, an alternate persona, because I’m not comfortable
at school. There are so many people and germs coexisting freely for me to
pretend I’m at home.
Speaking of
school, in my last post I wrote up a list of college resolutions and I’m sad to
say that I broke all of them. I followed through with exactly none of them.
Zilch. Nada. Somehow, when the time came, everything was so different. I could
sit at home mulling over how I was going to react in a certain situation, and
yet when it actually happened, everything was totally different. Like how I could
never say no to chips. At all.
This taught
me a big lesson: Worry about something when you actually get there. Stop scripting
your act like a freaking YouTuber. It’s probably going to be entirely different
from what you imagined. You’re not taking into consideration a multitude of
external factors, including the fact that you have NO IDEA what another person
is thinking at that moment. It’s probably the exact opposite of what you think
they’re thinking.
In other
news, do I REALLY care what people think of me? You can never know if someone
judged you wrong. Besides, even if they did, they missed out on the chance of getting
to know an amazing individual (moi.) It doesn’t really matter what strangers
think of you, because in the end, all that matters is that there are people
that accept you for who you are. And those are the only people that matter.
I’ll be
honest. Lately I’ve been thinking of how much of a wholesome person I am. You’ll
be lucky to meet someone else like me. I’m pretty awesome. In a
non-conventional sort of way. And I like that. I have a lot of flaws, too, and I
accept that. A lot of the times I’m even proud of my flaws (no, I’m not but we
can pretend).
Anyway. I probably
won’t get anything up on this here blog for a while so I’m going to turn this post
into a life update post. So… yeah. I started uni. It’s being okay, I guess. I
have some classes I really like. Like how to use java and stuff. I love that I’m
doing Computer Science, guys. It’s so interesting and fun.
Life at
home is great too. Hashtag Gratitude. We had around 5 pizzas this week (the
stats are fooling you, it was just 2 days, and 2 tiny free pizzas). Is it odd
that pizzas make my life so much better? LOL what am I saying. There must have
been a glitch in the running somewhere in my brain. (NOT. Brain, sweetie, you’re
amazing.)
In other
news, my sister refused to give me some of her pasta and suddenly I had bruises
on my knuckles (I did NOT punch the wall.) I also threw my notebook in rage and
ruined it. The last remaining four pages got ripped off. Not that I’m
complaining though, I was getting tired of writing in that notebook. It’s just
that I haven’t lost control of my temper like that IN A WHILE. Wow. I didn’t
see red, people. I saw white-hot fury. I had to lie on my bed with my face on
my pillow to cool off. Someone was gone die, friends.
Anyway,
that’s it for this instalment in the memoirs of asi (that’s me!) I’ll see you
next time with another episode in the crazy (lol) life of Asi.
(PS: My
life is not crazy)
BYYYYYYYE!!!!
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