...just
there…
After the
emotional turmoil of a week I had, we had quite a calm after the proverbial
storm (or is that the calm before the storm… never mind). I’ve been pretty
stable this past week, and I’ve just been taking things calmly. Hence the title
of this post ‘…just there…’ I’ve been just there. Not thinking too much, just
being content with being just there.
Obviously I
haven’t just been just there (ugh—so many “justs”), I’ve also been doing my
usual productive things. One of my projects from TSWP (The Secret Writing Project)
has hit some odd sort of writer’s block. I like what I’m doing but I got
disinterested.
I recently
read a book that really put things into perspective. I got this message from
it: “Nothing is ever as it seems.” I think this applies to a lot of things in
my life—I’m always assuming things, but they probably aren’t like that, ever.
I keep
wanting to go on Instagram, and I know that it’s bad for my mental health. Today
I really felt like going on there but I had to stop myself like, “Honey, no Instagram,
please.” I’m telling ya, that stuff is NOT good for me. At all.
I kind of
want to be a happy person, you know? Someone that just takes everything in
stride, laughs things off, and is generally positive. I’m kind of not like that?
I’m kind of a pessimistic person, and I always have snarky comments for what
life hands me, and I have anger issues. I just… want to be there, you know?
Being happy and positive. Why can’t I seem to?
I don’t
know why some people hate it that I like school so much. First of all: It’s not
as simple as ‘I like school. Yay! I wanna go EVERY day. Whoop! Rainbow!
Daisies!’ Secondly: They probably don’t hate it, but they just want me to go to
online college or something. The thing is, I like being outside home. I like
being inside, too, for that matter, but I want to be OUSSIDE SOMETIMES you
know? The people I’m talking about are my (2 of 3) sisters. They really made me
feel bad about it. Yay.
Also about
college, I have this odd thing of not wanting to disappoint anyone. By anyone I
mean lecturers. I always, always attend classes, and I feel bad if I cut. Lecturers
don’t even care! They don’t even think about me! Wow. Today, I didn’t go to uni
because my uterus was carrying out some violent experiments without informing
me #Rude. But guess what? My two other classmates didn’t go as well. At least
I informed the lecturer before-hand.
The thing
is, I don’t think I can make it to school tomorrow either. I was actually—get this—I
was actually feeling bad that I was going to disappoint the lecturer because
there’s not going to be any students in class tomorrow. My classmate said she’s
sick. So I was thinking, omg I have to go tomorrow… there’s not gonna be anyone
in class… that will be sad. I had to snap out of it. I mean, this is MY health
we’re talking about here. So, I messaged the lecturer today and informed him I wouldn’t
be attending in advance. I was just thinking—what the heck is up with me? Is
that even legit? I was gonna haul ass to school because a lecturer is going to
be disappointed? People don’t even go to school when they’re FINE. It’s crazy
being me.
*Sigh*
Anyway. In other
news, I opened up another blog. It’s about my writing journeys, etc, and
honestly, I’ve been wanting to set up one for so long. It actually doesn’t
cause any setbacks to Memoirs of Asi, they’re kind of just co-existing
together. I think I’ll be able to run that blog for a good amount of time. It keeps
me motivated to actually write. I started up a new project (I think I mentioned
that earlier,) and yeah, it’s coming on quite well, and I have high hopes for
it.
In other,
other news, I just found something that really resonates! Because this is ME!!!
Where has this word been my entire life? Just kidding—I’ve come across it
before, but it’s just hitting how relatable!!!
(By the
way, my screenshot is a bit dim because I have this new app on, it’s called
f.lux, and I use it because my eyes hate the brightness lately.)
I know I added a lot of personal things in this post because, I mean, this is my
personal journal, my creative space, I can do anything on here.
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