I just wanna be rich



Hi!
I guess everyone wants to be rich. I mean, I never really think about it, but lately I’ve been thinking that I need to work harder. I need that mulla, baby! I want to have all the material things! All the clothes! Shoes! Jewellery! Bags! And alladat.

The thing is, I want to find something that really resonates within me. I was reading paperfury’sblog the other day, and she was going on about how she treats writing like a full time job. I think she even mentioned that she wrote an 18,000 page book in 3 days. Wow. That’s crazy.

I’m actually working on a short fiction piece that has just reached a slump. I don’t even have the file open. It’s been so long since I even looked at it. I don’t like that L I want to write it, and finish this whole project within 2 months.

It’s almost like I’m seeing a trend with my writing patterns now. Hmm. I usually get all hyped up, outline some basics on one page, and then wait for things to happen magically. Even if I do begin writing, it’s like within a few days I’m burnt out. I need some kind of motivation to keep going.

I guess it’s okay. I mean, I always end up finishing what I say I’ll do. Hmm… I think I’m getting somewhere. Sounds like… sounds like, I actually believe in myself. Whooop! I’m a person that always does what I say I’ll do. I GET THINGS DONE. You hear me? I think that’s one of my best traits.

Sometimes I think about how I’m not really doing a lot. I barely work hard. I just do the bare minimum. (This is not about school—it’s about my personal projects.) I do stuff, yes, but I don’t feel like I’m doing enough. It drives me crazy sometimes.

But you know what? I think that’s how things are here. I think that’s okay. If in the end everything works out, then that’s okay. It’s okay for me to go about my day doing the most mundane things. I think it’s fine. Some days I’ll be so pumped, motivated, I’ll get things done, but other days are just lazy-me time.

I think that’s okay. I think I’ll be fine. I mean, I’m passionate about writing, but just not as much as a lot of people. I didn’t even want to say that out loud because it makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong. It makes me feel like I’m admitting that I don’t like being a part of the club. But I do. I’m a writer too! Just… I’m a lot of other things too.

I think I need to just accept the flow sometimes. You know… I’m a person who’s always looking forward to the next amazing thing to happen to me. I want to do exciting things. I want to be excited about exciting things. The thrill, the ride. That’s the kind of person I am.

I don’t know if I’ll remember them 50 years from now, but I’ll definitely love the moment. Things like this, things that happen, they make a difference. They matter. The books you read, the people you meet, the things you do, they matter. Even if you don’t see it. They matter, just like the food you eat every day. You don’t think much about it, but it’s there, you know? Adding to your existence.

I think I get that rush from completing things. I don’t know about the journey, but I know that the end is always worth it. It makes me feel like I’m doing things. Accomplishing things. Adding to my list of memories I’ve hoarded.

Somehow, along the way, something happened. I think I was just crumbling apart from the inside. It was a slow process, but I reached one of the lowest points in my life. It wasn’t bad; because I was holding myself up most of the time. But I know deep down, I reached a bad place.

I lost sight of who I was. All my power, energy—it somehow just dissipated away. I’m still trying to recover. I guess my mind just got so weak to the point that I let anyone say anything about me—and worse yet, I actually believed them.

I’m trying to fix things. The best part is, I managed to hold myself up, and keep going forward. I think that I don’t need to think too much about some things. I can go with the flow sometimes, but deep down I know that I can’t settle. I can’t settle for mediocre things. I want all the good things. I’ll get them.

I’ll see you later.

Asi, The Boss Money Gurl

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