I’m thinking about how I’m gonna restart up my journaling projects. Last year I had a blast going on a rampage; decimating my journal pages because let’s face it—I don’t exactly make amazing journal pages like Areeba @NotYourTypeBlog. 

People in the real world are not the same as people online. Online people are amazing and (not too sure on this one but) real + so good. We’re all accepting of our perks; we cheer each other’s eccentricity, craziness; individuality. Stupidity (in most cases). Quirks. We scream, “YOU DO YOU, BOO!” “Ya hair’s gr8” “GOALS AFFF” “CAN I BE YOU???” In other words, the whole acceptance movement. To be who you really are. To revel in yourself.  The fact that no one needs to comment on your ‘you-ness’. Their opinions don’t matter. 

The fact of life is that: In real life people aren’t accepting of our weirdness. They want us to change. They hate us. They think we’re weirdos. We should just keep our quirks to ourselves because DEES HOS AINT UNDERSTAND US. And this is basically the founding factor of this whole post. Or the whole of the last six months of my existence. For a whole year before I started uni, I literally LIVED on the internet. I didn’t care about any type of social interaction. Bet I didn’t step out the house in weeks. I read a ton of books. Scrolling and scrolling on Instagram. Trying and failing at being a photographer. By the time I joined uni, I was like this whole other person. Guess you can say internet bled into real life. At first people think you’re funny and different; but then. Then comes the judging. You aren’t normal; that’s obvious. But are you borderline mental? Is now the question. 

I’ve said it over and over again. I let go of my normal life when I joined uni. I couldn’t read books I would have normally read in 2 sittings. I didn’t update this here memoirs for a few months. Life became all about uni. I know that’s normal because I mean school usually takes up a whole section of your life; showing up, learning, studying and all that. But I was mad at myself for letting go. I didn’t ever make any creative pages for my journal. I made less and less of my Graphic Design projects. I let go of my personal projects. Self development. Self love and acceptance. 

I’m sure if I had hung on to my usual life, things would have been much better for me. Because when the semester was over I didn’t know what to do. I tried and tried to get back on track with my GD, and if you read my previous posts you can see I started up TSWP (The Secret Writing Project) I want these things to be my identity. To hold me down; to ground me. 

I’m going to change myself. I never thought I’d say this because I have in fact gone soul searching; I thought I’d found myself. But it appears you can never truly do that. You keep changing. Humans are not static. We move. Our circumstances move. Our surroundings move. Doesn’t mean we have to change; but we have to adapt. 

I can be myself to myself but other people don’t appreciate. So no matter how hard the effort is, I’m going to keep my head and act like every other normal person. There’s no need to act like my life is a funny youtube video. I can be that way to myself. I’m retreating into myself; just like how I was before. I have to think twice before I do anything. I think it’s going to be fun using all my will power to act different; to build back my conscience and live with in restrictions again. Goodbye, world.