So exactly last week I suited up and got ready for my safari. WHICH WAS LIIIIT OMG 2017 DOING IT FOR ME. Do you even know HOW adorable giraffes are? They walked right up to our bus and did their goofy smile thing (I think their faces are naturally like that though) and I was soo happy.

I looked too deep into the Murchison falls; contemplating my existence. The water parting aside on the Nile looked like diamonds sparkling against the noon sun.

Bruh can we just appreciate that semantic-poetry slayage. 

I was going through my blog; reading my posts and stuff and I was thinking I should really blog more. Also, I read one of the posts were I had specifically mentioned that I was NOT going to uni to have the time of my life or as I put it back then, ‘I have no intention of… or being a wild ting’. But, my fellow avocados, what I did was the EXACT opposite. Ok, so I wasn’t a wild ting but I ended up enjoying uni way too much. Which isn’t a bad thing.

The thing is, that fateful boat ride on the Nile, with the slight fear of being eaten by a crocodile, had me thinking exactly WHAT life is about. I know there are people that would tell me that *refers to exact text message* [Life is meaningful. You want your life to be simple, it will be. You want it to be wild, then it will be.]

But lately I’ve been feeling empty. I feel like me wanting to make the most of my life in uni is a joke. I feel like uni is a joke. I mean not my education, but the whole thing of enjoying dumb stuff like wanting to eat pizza every week and laughing my ass off and THIS IS COMING OUT ALL WRONG 

I don’t know what I’m trying to put across but I’m feeling how I felt right before uni started. I was normal. People in uni—they are not normal. Not all of them, of course. But whatever it’s subjective. Somehow along the way, things went off course. I didn’t feel bad because I’m actually highly receptive of being in different states of being; for example if I feel a certain way towards a certain issue I accept it because I know that everything flows a certain way and I inherently feel the way I feel because there are different ways to feel and I feel things in their right time. Wow, way to go, asi. You scared them away now. 

Being in uni made me forget many things about myself. Things like I am an adult. I make rational decisions. I trust myself. I judge right. I keep sight of what’s important. I don’t feel the need to impress anyone. I don’t feel the need to be accepted by friends. I can get by with being sharp and focusing on lectures. School is for studying. 

I guess at this point I’m just angry at myself. For changing. From what I was at first. How I became in those 4 months. I’m not even being hypocritical because I have changed a lot in the past 7 years. I’ve changed from being tomboy-ish and sporty to being someone who wears make up and reads a ton of books. And it’s always been fine for me. I never felt the need to explain who I was before. What you see is what you get. 

But after going to uni for some time, I feel like I changed. I know I’m the same person in many aspects but in other parts I don’t recognize myself. Wait, no. that’s not it. I recognize myself in everything. That IS me. 

I know (after a year of soul searching) that you are ever changing. I don’t know if you can ever truly and completely find yourself. Accept yourself. 

I want to conclude I guess by saying that life is just putting one foot in front of the other. You can be enthusiastic and perky; or a person that goes with the flow. Either way it’s the same. And also, we change. And here I am, changing. God is watering me and watching me grow.